The burgeoning science of positive psychology is helping us to unlock the mysteries of happiness. Old-school psychology focused primarily on what was wrong with people and how to treat them, but the problem with this disease-centric approach was that researchers forgot about looking for ways to help average people improve their lives.
One of the most exciting findings to come out of positive psychology is that the ability to feel good is actually within your control. This means a deliberate pursuit of happiness can be successful, if you go about it in the right way. It is not just about thinking happy thoughts moreover, the ideal strategy for achieving happiness is “doing.” Feeling good is a by product of action. According to positive psychology researchers, the seven principles to finding happiness are:
1) FOCUSING ON THE PRESENT. We often get caught up in future thinking how things would be ideal once certain conditions were met. That could be when you lose 20 pounds, land the perfect job, or can afford a real Louis Vuitton handbag! People often overestimate the ability that material things have to make us happy. The feeling you get from them is often temporary and fleeting. Research suggests that the happiest among us have already figured this out. They do not exist in a world of “if only” or “When I finally accomplish X I will be more satisfied.” They simply feel more gratitude. Rather than allowing ourselves to remain enslaved by our pasts or futures we must learn to make the most of what is presently in front of us and all around us. A happier life is shaped “experience by experience, moment by moment.”
2) PUT HAPPINESS ON THE AGENDA. Most of us operate at the speed of light so it becomes easy to forget to check in with ourselves about our own happiness. However, we need to take the time to build a personal roster of “happiness promoting actions.” If you are not sure what these things are for you, take a second and think about the things that you know make you feel good. Examples might be exercising, having dinner with a friend, seeing a concert, or playing with your kids. Write down as many of these activities as you can. This is your list of happiness triggers, and the trick is to regularly schedule a variety of them into your calendar.
3) TRUST YOUR NEIGHBOURS. Positive psychology research suggests that our well being is increased when we believe that people in general are much more honest and trustworthy than we may currently think. John Helliwell from the University of British Columbia suggests that “Going through life thinking that the world is a dangerous place and that people are evil reduces our willingness to make social connections. We lose opportunities to connect.” The world is generally a good place and it is in our best interest to believe that. Experiment with this, talk to people in elevators and buses, and provide that extra bit of consideration, eye contact, a smile and a wave, when sharing public spaces. When we extend simple gestures like these, we extend the sort of friendly connections that put people at ease and make people more trusting of one another.
4) REFRAME AND TAKE STOCK. When setbacks happen, happy people see them as temporary blips from which they will bounce back. Even if you are not predisposed to this glass-is-half-full outlook, you can train your brain to fight negative thoughts. As with any kind of training, practice makes perfect, so the next time a rainy day threatens to spoil your afternoon in the park, actively choose to reframe your thinking. Instead of being overly disappointed, view the detour as an opportunity to pamper yourself with something positive. Another “happy person” strategy to cultivate optimism is to keep a gratitude journal. Start by writing down three to five things that went well each day and why. Gradually you will find you have more to write about because focusing on good things puts the brakes on poor-me-with-a-sad-empty-life thinking.
5) MAKE CLOSE FRIENDS A PRIORITY. Recent research suggests that meaningful connections with close friends and family matter most on the happiness scale. A few close relationships are more satisfying than a myriad of “how’s the weather?” relationships or virtual friends. It helps too if those relationship are with happy people. A study in the British Medical Journal suggests that for each happy friend you have, the probability of being happy yourself jumps by 9 percent.
6) GIVE TO GET. A University of California research team studied people who perform various acts of kindness over a 10-week period and found participants reported significantly higher levels of happiness, even one month after the study. Being good to others boosts your sense of self-worth, and it helps create stronger connections with people. Contributing to the greater good and giving of yourself adds a layer of meaningful importance to life.
7) TAP INTO THE POWER OF “NO.” We are generally too busy trying to squeeze more and more activities into less and less time. Consequently we fail to savour potential sources of happiness that may be all around us. To remedy the situation try turning down some opportunities, even when they may seem enticing. We often say yes to others, thereby saying
no to ourselves.
If the topic of Happiness is something that interests you then you may be interested in reading the following books from our counselling library: Authentic Happiness by Martin Seligman, Happiness: Unlocking the Mysteries of Psychological Wealth by Ed Diener, Happier: Learn the Secrets of Daily Joy and Lasting Fulfillment by Tal Ben-Shahar, and Happy: Simple Steps to Get the Most Out of Life by Ian Smith.
